Future Tense

Future Tense is the sequel to Tempus Fugit . It picks up exactly where the first book leaves off. Sloane now finds himself reunited with his girlfriend, Emma, at Duckworth Hall. It should be a time for love and celebration, but our hero’s hopes are soon dashed when he’s devastated to find that Emma is obsessed with a mysterious stranger, one of the Duck’s houseguests. Things rapidly go from bad to worse when he discovers the Duck’s other houseguestsin the attic! As usual, the Duck’s machinations are unfathomable to mere mortals. Those puritanical fascists, Corrective Measures, are still in hot pursuit, only this time they’re meanertheir snatch squads now blow up time fugitives homes and pack them off to the Castle, a sinister prison lost in the deep freeze of time, from which no time traveler has ever returned. Is Sloane destined to spend the rest of his days on the frozen prison island? Always expect the unexpected in the wacky world of Future Tense . For an author bio and photo, reviews, and a reading sample, visit bosonbooks.com

Future Tense

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Git-R-Done

Git-R-Done is chock-full of fart jokes and straight talk about America. I sat down one day and said to myself, Larry, you’ve done it all. You’ve got three gold records, a successful DVD, a hit TV show, a picture of Shania Twain givin’ ya the finger, and most important, the high score on Frogger. What more could you possibly do? Then I started thinking about writing a book. I wanted mostly to write Git-R-Done for all those good Americans who just wanna laugh like I do. Come on inside and hear me make fun of Janet Reno, Rosie O’Donnell, and my fat sister, who caused a twelve-tray pileup in front of the caramel nut rolls at the country buffet. I’m gonna tell you why Dick Trickle is my hero, why we need to get back to good ol’ common sense, and why I prefer a picture of the Last Supper with NASCAR drivers as the disciples over just about anything. Lord, I apologize! The book will go down in history as one of America’s most important events since the breakup of Aldo Nova. Even my mom liked the bookhere’s what she said: There’s really not much I can say here except for I apologize to everyone ahead of time for the crap you are about to read. Git-R-Done is just plain funny, I don’t care who ya are! Also available as an eBook. From the Hardcover edition.

Git-R-Done

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Nothing’s Sacred

“Comedian Lewis Black unleashes his trademark subversive wit while recounting his own life story in his New York Times bestselling memoir. You’ve seen him on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart offering up his trademark angry observational humor on everything from politics to pop culture. You’ve seen his energetic stand-up performances on HBO, Comedy Central, and in venues across the globe. Now, for the first time, Lewis Black translates his volcanic eruptions into book form in Nothing’s Sacred, a collection of rants against stupidity and authority, which oftentimes go hand in hand. With subversive wit and intellectual honesty, Lewis examines the events of his life that shaped his antiauthoritarian point of view and developed his comedic perspective. Growing up in 1950s suburbia when father knew best and there was a sitcom to prove it, he began to regard authority with a jaundiced eye at an early age. And as that sentiment grew stronger with each passing year, so did his ability to hone in on the absurd. True to form, he puts common sense above ideology and distills hilarious, biting commentary on all things politically and culturally relevant. “”No one is safe from Lewis Black’s comic missiles.”” ( New York Times ) You have been warned….”

Nothing’s Sacred

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Ruminations on Twentysomething Life

“IS THERE LIFE AFTER COLLEGE? In this sidesplitting follow-up to his smash hit, Ruminations on College Life, Aaron Karo takes readers on another outrageous journey — this time through his early twenties. With hilarious anecdotes and irreverent observations, Karo captures the twentysomething experience like never before and answers the question, “”Is there life after college?”” Featuring the very best of his world-renowned email column as well as brand-new material published here for the first time, Ruminations on Twentysomething Life details Karo’s evolution from frat boy to manhood and explores the frenzied lives of a generation living in the strange and unique gap between college and marriage. With his trademark acerbic wit, Karo ruminates on everything from your first day on the job to the last call at the bar. Perfect for students about to get their first dose of reality, twentysomethings procrastinating at work, or anyone who wants to relive their glory days, this book is sure to have readers laughing out loud and nodding their heads in agreement that there is indeed life after college.”

Ruminations on Twentysomething Life

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The Dumbest Generation

Michael Graham has met the enemy, and they is us. Fifty years after the Greatest Generation fought and died on foreign soil to rescue democracy from fascism, the question facing America is Can we survive the Dumbest Generation? Can a nation of uniquely uninformed idiots living in a culture that celebrates stupidity possibly govern themselves? If the question sounds harsh, you havent read The Dumbest Generation or (author Michael Graham would argue) the Palm Beach Post. From the bumbling balloteers of Florida to the crush of Dumb-and-Dumber culture filling the neighborhood multi-plex, Graham sees a nation of people who should be denied the right to vote in any election not sponsored by TV Guide. Graham, a former-stand-up comic turned GOP political consultant reveals what people inside the election business have known for years: In the America of the year 2001, ignorant voters arent a problem, theyre a target demographic. They were the foundation and the demise of the ill-fated Gore campaign, and continuing efforts by both political parties to court rather than shun them put American democracy at risk.

The Dumbest Generation

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Mike Nelson’s Mind over Matters

“Why do some people retain cute baby-talk names for their relatives (like “”Num-Num”” and “”Pee-Paw””) well into middle age? How should a reasonable person respond when Olivia Newton-John sings, “”Have you never been mellow?”” Who’s responsible for the sorry state of men’s fashion, and is it the same guy who invented the jerkin? Is there any future in being a Midwesterner? Can you really enjoy your lunch when the restaurant is decorated to look like an African plain? How come women keep dozens of bottles and jars of moisturizers, unguents, and lotions around — all of them half empty? In more than 50 hilarious all-new essays, one of America’s brightest young humorists — the head writer and on-air host of the legendary TV series Mystery Science Theater 3000 — finds the fun in all aspects of the human condition, no matter how absurd. Join Mike Nelson on an angst-filled visit to a health spa; shopping sessions at Home Depot and Radio Shack; adventures in the very amateur musical theater; a gut-busting discourse on the history of television; ruminations on his roles as husband, father, and citizen; and much, much more.”

Mike Nelson’s Mind over Matters

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Who Cut The Cheese?

“Who Cut the Cheese? uses a delightful little fable to encapsulate the fundamental rule of modern American management and the new economy: “”Survive change by shifting blame.”” The fable revolves around two malevolent rats and two spiteful “”Punypeople”” who find themselves trapped together in a maze, fighting over a dwindling supply of constantly moving cheese. Some characters adapt readily to this treacherous, shifting environment — blaming the weak and overpowering the helpless. Others perish in horror, praying for death. Read this book and live! Written for all ages, the story can be understood by even the youngest reader: The “”maze””is a metaphor for life, and the “”cheese”” is a metaphor for whatever you desire in life — be it worldly goods, spiritual well-being, or unspeakable sexual encounters too deviant even for the Internet. The more advanced reader will also understand the secondary message of the book: “”Resistance is futile.”” As soon as change happens, we must accept it immediately or suffer the consequences. This heavy-handed lesson is designed to engender unquestioning obedience to authority, and makes the book an ideal gift for subordinates. Large companies would be well advised to give this book to each and every one of their employees, especially if they are considering a restructuring to bolster shareholder value. Extremely short, even including illustrations, the story takes less than an hour to read, but its unsettling conclusions on the nature of humanity should last a lifetime!”

Who Cut The Cheese?

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Joke: A Man And A Woman

Man: I could go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: Yes, but would you stay there?

Man: I offer you myself.
Woman: I am sorry I never accept cheap gifts.

Man: I want to share everything with you.
Woman: Let’s start from your bank account.

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Joke: English Language Student

Teacher: “Nick, what is the past participle of the verb to ring?”
Nick: “What do you think it is, Sir?”
Teacher: “I don’t think, I KNOW!”
Nick: “I don’t think I know either, Sir!”

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Joke: Farmer’s Humor

A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”

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