Jokes: California

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“I was born in California.”

“Which part?”

“All of me.”

Jokes: Homework

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Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

Jokes: Pretty Ugly

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Mary: John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly. What do you think, Peter?
Peter: I think you’re pretty ugly.

Jokes: Oops, Sorry.

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“Do you know what really amazes me about you?”

“No. What?”

“Oops. Sorry. I was thinking about someone else!”

Jokes: Frog in my soup

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In a restaurant:
Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!
Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.

Jokes: My boss

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My boss is so unpopular even his own shadow refuses to follow him.

Jokes: Cow and Horse

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Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other: “Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?”
The other one says: “No, It doesn’t worry me, I’m a horse!”

Jokes: Humanitarians

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If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Jokes: Vampire

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Patient: Doctor, I think that I’ve been bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, I but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.

Jokes: Alphabet “i”

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Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I”.
Student: I is the…
Teacher: Stop! Never put “is” after an “I”. Always put “am” after an “I”.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

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