Joke: The best jokes for kids – for boys and girls


Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Yukon who?
Yukon a let us in? It’s raining out here!

Q: What was the banker’s favorite
player on the football team?
A: The quarterback.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?

Q: What’s the difference between a
Christmas alphabet and the regular
A: The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

Q: What happened to the man who
stole a calendar from the store?
A: He got 12 months.

Q: Why was Santa’s helper sad?
A: Because he had low elf-esteem.

Q: What does Santa clean his sleigh
A: Comet.

Q: How long
should an
elephant’s legs be?
A: Long enough to reach the ground.

Q: What do you call a left-handed dog?
A: A south paw.

Q: What gives you the power to walk
through a wall?
A: A door.

Q: Why did the book join the police
A: He wanted to go undercover.

Q: What do you get when you throw a
lot of books into the ocean?
A: A title wave.

Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A trash truck.

Q: Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up?
A: Because it was two tired.

Q: What do you call a boomerang that
doesn’t come back?
A: A stick.

Q: Why did the man take his clock to
the vet?
A: Because it had ticks.

Q: What did the mouse say to the
other mouse when he tried to steal his
A: That’s nacho cheese.

Q: Which is faster, heat or cold?
A: Heat, because you can catch a cold.

Q: Why did the chicken go to jail?
A: Because he was using fowl language.

Q: What has two legs but can’t walk?
A: A pair of pants.

Q: Why was the math book always
A: Because it had so many problems.

Q: Which school supply is king of the
A: The ruler.

Q: Which vegetable should you never
invite on a boat trip?
A: A leek.

Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: At the North Pole.

Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit?
A: Boo-berries.

Q: Why did the robber take a shower?
A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.

Q: What did the mayonnaise say when
the refrigerator was opened?
A: Close the door! I’m dressing!

Q: What do you call a shoe made from
a banana?
A: A slipper.

Q: What did the apple tree say to the
A: Stop picking on me!

Q: Why are there fences around
A: Because people are dying to get in.

Q: Where do cows go on the weekend?
A: To the moo-vies.

Q: Why did the pony get detention?
A: Because he was horsing around.

Q: What lights up a stadium?
A: A soccer match.

Q: What’s bigger than an elephant, but
doesn’t weigh anything?
A: His shadow.

Q: Why did the teacher have to wear
A: Because her students were so bright.

Q: Which bus crossed the ocean?
A: Columbus.

Q: What do you call a pig that does
A: A pork chop.

Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: Because seven eight nine.

Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: A fsh.

Q: What do gymnasts, acrobats, and
bananas all have in common?
A: They can all do splits.

Q: What’s a frog’s favorite game?
A: Hopscotch.

Q: What dies but never lives?
A: A battery.

Q: What day of the week does the
potato look forward to the least?
A: Fry-day.

Q: What do you call a seagull that flies
over the bay?
A: A bagel.

Q: What is Dracula’s
favorite fruit?
A: Neck-tarines.

Q: What does a skeleton
order for dinner?
A: Spare ribs.

Q: What’s a ghost’s
favorite dessert?
A: Ice Scream.

Q: How do monsters tell their
A: They read their horror-scopes.

Q: Where does the witch park her
A: In the broom closet.

Q: What is a witch’s favorite subject in
A: Spelling.

Q: Why couldn’t the ghost see his
A: Because they were trans-parents.

Q: What do you do if you’re a fan of
A: You join his fang club.

Q: Where do ghosts go for a
A: The Dead Sea.

Q: Whom did the monster
ask to kiss his boo-boos
after he fell?
A: His mummy.

Q: What makes a skeleton
A: When something tickles his
funny bone.

Q: What would you get if you crossed a
teacher with a vampire?
A: Lots of blood tests.

Q: Why did the skeleton cross the
A: To get to the body shop.

Q: What do witches order at hotels?
A: Broom service.

Q: Why did the Cyclops stop teaching?
A: Because he only had one pupil.

Q: Why didn’t Dracula have any
A: Because he was a pain in the neck.

Q: Where did the witch have to go
when she misbehaved?
A: To her broom.

Q: What do you get if you cross a
vampire and a snowman?
A: Frostbite.

Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite room in
the house?
A: The living room.

Q: What do birds do on Halloween?
A: They go trick or tweeting.

Q: Which monster is the best dance
A: The Boogie Man.

Q: What did the turkey stay before it
was roasted?
A: I’m stuffed!

Q: How did Benjamin Franklin feel
when he discovered electricity?
A: He was shocked.

Q: Why did the horse chew with his
mouth open?
A: Because he had bad stable manners.

Q: What’s a tornado’s favorite game to
A: Twister.

Q: What do you give a sick lemon?
A: Lemon-aid.

Q: Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
A: Because he was always on the deck.

Q: Why was the turkey arrested?
A: It was suspected of fowl play.

Q: What smells the best at
A: Your nose.

Q: What kind of weather does a turkey
A: Fowl weather.

Q: What always comes at the end of
A: The letter “g.”

Q: Why couldn’t the turkey eat
A: Because he was stuffed.

Q: What type of key is the most
important at Thanksgiving dinner?
A: The tur-key.

Q: Which side of the turkey has the
most feathers?
A: The outside.

Q: Are turkey leftovers good for your
A: Not if you’re the turkey!

Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.

Q: What do you get if you cross a pine
tree with an apple?
A: A pine-apple.

Q: What type of diet did the snowman
go on?
A: The Meltdown Diet.

Q: What did the snowman have for
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What did the stamp say to the
A: I’m stuck on you.

Q: What did the paper clip say to the
A: I find you very attractive.

Q: What kind of flower do you never
want to get on Valentine’s Day?
A: Cauliflower.

Q: What do elephants say to one
another on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you a ton.

Q: What’s easy to get into, but hard to
get out of?
A: Trouble.

Q: Why is the forest so noisy?
A: Because the trees have bark.

Q: What has an eye, but cannot see?
A: A needle (or potato, tornado, hurricane, etc.).

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Wet who?
Wet me in, it’s raining out here!

Q: If a butcher wears a size XL shirt
and a size 13 shoe, what does he weigh?
A: Meat.

Q: What did the baker say to his wife?
A: I’m dough-nuts about you!

Q: What did the squirrel give for
Valentine’s Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What do you call two birds in love?
A: Tweet-hearts.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Arthur who?
Arthur anymore chocolates left?

Q: What did the monster ask his
A: Will you be my Valen-slime?

Q: What did the boy pickle say to the
girl pickle?
A: You mean a great dill to me.

Q: What did the farmer give his wife
for Valentine’s Day?
A: Hogs and kisses.

Q: What did the owl say to his
A: Owl be yours.

Q: What did the calculator say to the
other calculator on Valentine’s Day?
A: Let me count the ways I love you.

Q: What did one piece of string say to
the other piece of string?
A: Will you be my Valen-twine?

Q: Why did the boy bring a ladder to
A: He wanted to go to high school.

Q: What are there a lot of when
turkeys play baseball?
A: Fowl balls.

Q: Where do pencils go for vacation?
A: Pencil-vania.

Q: What did the snowman order at
A: A Frosty!

Q: Why can’t skeletons play music?
A: Because they have no organs.

Q: How do you catch an unusual
A: Unique up on it.

Q: What’s the best way to talk to a
A: From a distance.

Q: What kind of music do mummies
like best?
A: Wrap.

Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Because it was the chicken’s day off.

Q: Where can you learn to make ice
A: At Sundae School.

Q: Why did the boy run around his bed?
A: He was trying to catch up on his sleep.

Q: What do you call an elephant in a
phone booth?
A: Stuck!

Q: How does the Easter Bunny travel?
A: By hare-plane.

Q: What runs but never walks?
A: A hose.

Q: Which flower talks the most?
A: Tulips, because they have two lips.

Q: What did the spoon say to the
A: “You’re so sharp!”

Q: How did the hairdresser win the
A: She knew a shortcut.

Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: Because they are always in a school.

Q: What did the dinner plate say to the
A: Dinner’s on me tonight.

Q: What did the circle say to the
A: I don’t see your point.

Q: What’s black and white over and
over again?
A: A penguin rolling down a hill.

Q: What’s a rabbit’s favorite kind of
A: Hip-hop.

Q: Where’s a wall’s favorite place to
meet his friends?
A: At the corner.

Q: Where did the king keep his army?
A: In his sleeve.

Q: Why don’t animals eat clowns?
A: They taste funny!

Q: Where do books hide when they’re
A: Under their covers.

Q: What’s a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?
A: Strawberries.

Q: Why can’t the elephant use the
A: Because he’s afraid of the mouse.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Who who?
Is there an owl in here?

Q: What do ghosts use to wash their
A: Sham-BOO.

Q: What did the carrot say to the
A: You’re a fungi (fun guy).

Q: What did the hamburger name her
A: Patty.

Q: What do a car and an elephant have
in common?
A: They both have trunks.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Tank who?
You’re welcome!

Q: Why do cowboys ride horses?
A: Because they’re too heavy to carry.

Q: What is a math teacher’s favorite
type of dessert?
A: Pi.

Q: Why was the cafeteria clock always
A: Because it went back for seconds.

Q: Why is 1+1=3 like your left foot?
A: It’s not right.

Q: Where do kids in New York City
learn multiplication?
A: In Times Square.

Q: Why did everyone want the music
teacher to be on their baseball team?
A: Because she had the perfect pitch.

Q: Why are elephants such bad
A: Because they have two left feet.

Q: What starts and ends with “e” and
only has one letter?
A: An envelope.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, silly, cows go MOO!

Q: What’s a math teacher’s favorite
A: Multipliers.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash who?
No, thanks, I prefer peanuts.

Q: What should you do if your teacher
rolls her eyes at you?
A: Roll them back, of course!

Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
A: Because they have honeycombs.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Pecan who?
Pecan someone your own size!

Q: Why didn’t the oven go to college?
A: Because it had a lot of degrees already.

Q: What did the teacher do at the
A: She tested the water.

Q: What time is it when you have a
A: Tooth Hurty.

Q: How did the boy react when his
turtle died?
A: He was shell-shocked.

Q: What’s a spider’s favorite thing to
do on a computer?
A: Make websites.

Q: What kind of table can you have for
A: A vege-table.

Q: What’s a librarian’s favorite type of
bait when fishing?
A: Bookworms.

Q: What did one eye say to the other?
A: Between you and I, something smells.

Q: Why did the girl put lipstick on her
A: Because she wanted to make-up her mind

Q: What’s a cannibal’s favorite sport?
A: Football.

Q: What did the ocean say to the
A: Nothing, it just waved.

Q: What do you call a worm with no
A: A gummy worm.

Q: Why was the computer cold?
A: Because it left the Windows open!

Q: Why do eggs hate jokes?
A: Because they crack up.

Q: What type of dog loves going to the
A: A shampoodle.

Q: What did the doctor diagnose the
horse with when he wasn’t feeling
A: Hay fever.

Q: Why do birds fly south for the
A: Because it’s too far to walk.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nobel who?
There’s nobel, that’s why I’m knocking.

Q: What lies at the bottom of the
ocean and worries?
A: A nervous wreck.

Q: What’s the smartest insect around?
A: The spelling bee.

Q: Why did the cabbage beat the carrot
in a race?
A: Because it was a-head.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Leaf who?
Leaf me alone please, I’m thinking.

Q: Why don’t ducks tell jokes when
they fly?
A: They would quack up!

Q: What’s a bat’s favorite pastime?
A: Hanging out with his friends.

Q: Where do polar bears keep their
A: In snow banks.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Canoe who?
Canoe help me with my homework

Q: How do bears keep their den cool in
the summer?
A: They use bear-conditioning.

Q: Why was the clown crying?
A: Because he broke his funny bone.

Q: What did the paper say to
encourage the pencil?
A: Write on, good friend!

Q: Where can you always find a
A: In the dictionary.

Q: What is a top’s favorite ride at the
amusement park?
A: The merry-go-round.

Q: What is a kitten’s favorite dessert?
A: Mice cream.

Q: Where did the bird go when he lost
a feather?
A: The re-tail shop.

Q: What’s a cat’s favorite nursery
A: Three Blind Mice.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nana who?
Nana your business.

Q: Why did the dog keep tripping?
A: Because she had two left feet.

Q: What did the duck say to the clown?
A: You quack me up!

Q: Where do baby pens spend their
A: In their play pen.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Needle who?
Needle little more money for this toy

Q: What has 18 legs and catches flies?
A: A baseball team.

Q: Why is it not a good idea to try to
trick a snake?
A: Because you can’t pull his leg.

Q: What bird loves construction work?
A: A crane.

Q: Why couldn’t the boy go to the
pirate movie?
A: Because it was rated “ARRR!”

Q: What did the
farmer say to
the horse when
he walked in the
A: “Why the long face?”

Q: What did the students do when
their shoelaces got tangled together?
A: They went on a class trip.

Q: Why do bananas have to put
sunscreen on before they go to the
A: Because they peel!
A Joke-A-Day

Q: What do you have in December that
you don’t have in any other month?
A: The letter “d.”

Q: What often falls in winter, but
never gets hurt?
A: Snow.

Q: Why did the boy keep his trumpet in
the freezer?
A: Because he liked cool music.

Q: What’s brown and sneaks around
the kitchen?
A: Mince spies.

Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: I’ll meet you at the corner!

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear!

Q: What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho cheese!

Q: Where do cows go for entertainment?
A: To the moo-vies!

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cows go. Cows go who? No, cows go MOO!

Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?
A: Ground beef!

Q: What do you call a cow with two legs?
A: Lean meat!

Q: What do you call a pig that knows karate?
A: A pork chop!

Q: Why are ghosts bad liars?
A: Because you can see right through them!

Q: What animal needs to wear a wig?
A: A bald eagle!

Q: What do you call a fly without wings?
A: A walk!

Knock knock. Who’s there? A little old lady?
A little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel!



My English Guide

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